The Nervous Appointment for starting a resolution

 So, with things getting intense and busy in work and finally comes to get a bit quieter but actually what was going to happen was the fact that 2 weeks ago, there started to be things appearing and also it means it has to be a chapter to finally start getting things sorted. 

So with that appearing, it means it's going to face challenges and also time to see if this is going to be the end of me or if it's just something natural and ask questions on that and also with issues that have been ongoing for years and maybe going to finally be resolved or at least checked from the new year's resolution back in January. 

The planning. 

Since it was only just an online form to sort out to finally see when this little lump was apparent being felt on what I thought was the testicles with the mini lump and it does cause the risk of cancer but also there has been some more burning and also it means things could get worse if not checked. So I filled out the form on the previous Friday (1 week ago if reading this on the 29/04/2022). 

Then from insomnia that made me wake up at the 6am mark and struggle to sleep.  it was a chance to get a call on Monday and well this is where discussing with a trainee GP for this and well the form I did mention the phimosis since it could be related. But that day was MEANT to be filming a vlog in a quiet area but from 3 visits turned into 5 and then it was time to finish at 8pm, leaving from 9:50am too.

today was one of those days i woke up earlier than usual and also getting a video ready and filmed today to maybe shed light on the past to 3 months without filming

— Mattie LT Marker (@omracer) April 25, 2022

Also a GP appointment for down there has been booked but its not exactly the same reason, but small lumps apparently can be serious

— Mattie LT Marker (@omracer) April 25, 2022

But that was also the time that I had to cycle from one end of the area to another, aka chillaton to Gunnislake and then from there back to Tavi and then back home. 

The workout in the mid-afternoon 

The visits were long in some ways and close to then dealing with work for the rest of the week/ 

The Day before. 

So this was another day of work with various customers and more to sort out and well it makes it that little bit of a tough pack and more nerves in the inside regarding what was happening, Now there was a visit planned after work which was going to get me some time to finally vlog and explain the potentials of what was going to be the how to explain the past few months from the failed dates and the overspending on Alice and the failed virtual date,. Well, the lump and what the outcome of that might be. It was nice to finally get to the bottom of the past and get new videos created, well so I thought. 

A selfie via an iPhone X front camera with screen film 

Standing up before filming 

Eventually, after some kids passing, some sheep on the patch and even more runners by, It was time to cycle back to lidl to get some shopping as I always do best. Which it was the first of being into lidl with some small deals and using a few of the lidl plus deals. 

The bits from lidl about £7.59 

Then it was a case of going to Tesco for some more of the sauce mixes and other Clubcard offers which ended up being paid for in cash on that side of things, my mind was still a bit relieved from filming but also nervous about what the appointment will hold. 

The sauces and mixes 

Then it was a nice cycle up the hills to then get home and greet parents and then it was to have nice leftover food which also gives it that vibe of late combinations. This also was  the last of the lush biscoff spread for like £2 in co-op last week too. 

The tea on Wednesday 

But it then means it to catch up with either filming to potentially edit and actually it was a case of a bath then time to get things planned and the scare of what was to happen in one way or another.  But then it came to researching and crashing out after watching DuckTales, with a recent vibe of binge-watching Disney + for the evenings and that has been a lot in the past 2 months for sure.  But then it was the day of the appointment.

The Appointment Day: 

A normal sort of day at work 

So, waking up at around the 8:30am time and I was planning to be getting going since of the worry of there was a delivery to sort out and they only come between 8am and 9am. But we then go to the plan of getting to work and then time to check on this  PC that had to be a case from an XPS 8900 with the faulty power button.  But then it was more things and at the end of the day it was going to be stock taking as well as starting to finish off some repairs with an iPhone. 

The Appointment. 

So it was 17:40 and I was now getting over to the GP and it was really scary in a way being the ONLY person in there customer or patient wise. like it was going to be just me and well I got told to go upstairs form the receptionist which I've not been up here or let alone in the Surgery since the chance of the second jab back in December. But It was then time to go to a toilet after waiting a couple of minutes. Then it was time to sit down and discuss about things. 

So first it comes to being told that it was not on the testicle but on the epididymis tube was having a cis on it. 

Well it's the me for the appointment Aland I'm nervous and shaking yet again , legs are always doing this in the past few months

— Mattie LT Marker (@omracer) April 28, 2022

The empty waiting room 

Then as i got out the doctor was by the room doors, then I walked in with her and we sat down quickly for a chat while she got a assistant out before I got changed, and then it was a bit of a scary factor when she had gloves on with going to touch but then she asked to see the lump and then she felt it and told me its not on the testicle but the tube below it, so then I got changed with the belt and then took a seat and we discusses some bits. But she mentioned it was not cancerous, but good to go and check on those things. 

So this turns out to be a case of well we did a discussion about the phimosis and well it lead to some talk about my life such as some of the concerns  such as the bacteria that might form, the size of it and also the fact I struggle to touch it properly such as even with condoms or struggling with that side of getting it sorted. Then it was mentioning about fainting and passing out back in the days of sex education lessons and i mentioned to her about going back to basics on the lessons like that. 

So she also brought up about asking If I've had relationships yet or sex and well asking like "Have you found someone you like" plus some other questions  and i went in some of the past relationships as far as i feel I've had which others just say its one way crush or not really a relationship. 

which then she asked me about being neurodivergent which ok in the past people have been thinking I'm part of that, but there was a questions and some past experiences of the tone changing in relationships with people that Think I was and she did mention that things are better but she just said she'll send me a text at the end of the appointment. 

But then it was a bit of the chance she wanted to have a closed look and she asked me to try to stretch it which i do as the way I usually do it and then she tried but it was getting a  bit uncomfortable so then I got changed and then we wrapped it up on the conclusion side. So she suggested things like the Steroid cream as well as I mentioned the table salt and she said "I've not heard of that one before" so maybe I've got to listen to that conversation with the nurse. But she also did start the referral for the urologist for the reassurance on the penis. Plus there was the psychosexual therapy with talkworks but both of those will be months ahead but at least there is the plan of this to be sorted. 

But then it comes to the part of leaving and thanking her then It was a shaky walk to the pharmacy to then see if the prescription was there and after a but of muttering, it was there and being asked about if i pay and I had to ask about that but ended up meaning I do so it was £9.35 for the steroid cream. 

The prescription 

Then I was trying to film a bit on it and then it was to a customer's house. 

The evening. 

So,. it was then a time to run to the next customer to visit so yes it was still working but then it was a catch up and chatter in some ways  but it was then time to leave after passwords resets and then time to get home and it was hard to run home, it felt shaky but also a relief that a chapter might finally happen.  But then it was time to have some time to reflect on this while walking home. But then it was a nice honey mustard sort of chicken with some bao buns as well. 

 

The meal from the Thursday night

so there we have it, the end of the day and a big chapter in some ways but other things have been on the mind and it can make it tough choices for it. But it means vlogs might be on there horizon and yes there is the vlog from the Wednesday to sort too. 

But for now its time to head to bed and work for another day which the Friday was then quiet to reflect more on things like the love school or even just talkworks but that will be for another time. 

omracer 

A Chart of the BPD in 2021 summer

 Well, this is the chance of finally getting the chance to solve the down there, but work did intervene, it does show that I don't  get the chance to get the pan to sort out a big challenge in the future, but it shows some of the way how it goes with the boners on  the actually  really hectic summer. 

The Chart: 

first I'll just embed the chart for you to have a look at it,  and see what the average is as well as the count of each day. But there are dates which give some indication which I'll sort of quickly analyse for you.

The Key points from that: 

Now this actually is a lot less than I would expect but also with a lot of stress and anxiety I've had to endure it can also make some of the sense of why its been lower, plus actually counting inc the weekends its only been 5 days which I've not been in the shop, That is a BUSY summer but it has been include the catch-up from the vaccine, the renovation and also more catching up with customer demands too. 

The first week was from the vaccine week so minus the anxiety the boners where higher than normal, but it was shown on the Thursday which was the house to myself while editing the vlog for the vaccination, and the distractions do come and go. Which explains how I got the 11 boners in that day. 

Now the 2 weeks after that, was actually lower than other weeks, this was due to working every day and even not being able to go to the toilet during that time, Okay i did drink less that time as well since for the past month, the issue with the vitamin C tablets or any strong flavored drinks is that it made my tummy feel funny, but only in the morning, in the afternoon, it did help out and I could drink it without feeling funny after, this has been only for the past 2 to 3 months I will admit.

There have been moments o feeling a bit unsure about some things when either crashing out at night or having to get up earlier for work and being unable to well fap. But as time was easing off work and getting like more time for admin and things, it was nice to feel comfortable and that well can mean a higher count. 

But as it was the last 9 days, the count was higher since it was more time to myself and well more ideas in one way or another, there were more breaks So i could look at FF and curvage and also texting with hearing of  going to restaurants and food halls I miss a fair bit. 

Alll  in all it shows how time progresses and also how actually its still about the same as 2017 which even 4 years ago was the last time I kissed a girl on the lips. Yes there was the last kiss on the cheek was May 2019 so it was not that far away from my last kiss until now, (2 years is better than i expected especially during a pandemic, but if i see things being busy, it might be 3 years away too). 

Now maybe things will perk up in future but with s fair bit of focusing coming up, it will probably be less but its been a fair bit of time and things have changed in many ways in some good and bad but especially as I was very close to finally sorting out the phmiosis in one way that did not happen but There is the plan to sort it when the time is right or worst case just having to be selfish and take it off time wise for fixing it. 

But while we are on the topic of analyzing, it should be a re-cap of the well Not new year resolutions, since the new year is now 4 months away. 

A Catch up on the Year Resolutions: 

Well, to be honest, it seems I've been pushing them aside, like time has past, lockdown have come and gone and that in itself have made it tricky to follow them inits glory or negativity. But here is the run down. 

• Stream more -Not don't ANY since Feb
• Catch up with the  accounts in work - I Thought I was doing, well, but it a fair bit off yet, 
• Be able to hug someone non work or family related - Looking like next year 
• Complete at least 2 games in a story mode  - No luck at all 
• Do more Day out vlogs  - Not yet for me either, It might be close and easier with the E-bike in all honesty, but the shop is taking intensive time out of me 
• Schedule/plan out days more -  Not working at all for the most part, there is a unpredictable side to it which makes it tough for me to catch this goal 

The Conclusion 

But there we have it, its now the last 3.9 months of the year, with events coming back in, vlogs might happen again and now firm to take that time, off, yes, at some points its the second jab to decide on but that chest pain did worry me so I will have to mention it but Home Park is too much pressure for me I thin, ,especially as it was the week of goose fair was the earliest appointment, But i will still think on it for me and maybe its better to wait for the Pharmacy to do it, But by the time it comes November, the time will be too busy with Christmas, unless a lockdown is planed which there is always the risk going to happen.

But 2 weeks to film some vlogs and a all nighters planned or 3 to catch up with online work for the money saving up since of big expenses at the end of the year and also maybe a Trip away next year too

for now, see you soon. 

omracer

 

The frosty few days of 2021 before #lockdown3

 Well, Happy New year, this is finally it, 2021 and the hope for better times ahead, well actually soon that will be lockdown but instead things feel the same as 2020. But well all we can do for now is to see how things perform, my mind has had little time to really choose the path that happens but well, its some facts to go for. 

Happy New Exhausting year 

Well we start off with a LONG time to get the music video sorted, which actually I started at 2am, there was a bit of frustration due to a lot of irritation and emotions some family members were going through, my dads being one of those times, like saying no thanks to eating fudge was a way of that frustration kicking off.  But it was a nice frosty weather outside as well as the fireworks going off, this year we didn't see the fireworks go off on the TV in London. I did have one cup of coffee since 11:30pm the year before. 

The night shot outside my house 

Now it was this part of  the night of to focus down and well it was to choose the music, well I was close to going for NWH again but instead I went for Voyager which was still from Hotline Miami 2: Wrong number. 

 

But the night went on and a good friend was chatting to me on her night off work well, only for an hour or so, which then it was crunch time, since there was a repetition of the beat every 0:07 seconds (7th of a second)  and added some bits in there as call backs to some hidden important times like the final day out before lockdown started and much later even the timing of a extra day that was never even shown on video and was a crucial moment of the summer. While this was happening, one toilet break and I saw my dad sitting on the sofa, his ears were giving him trouble again. 

It was heading into the twilight zone and this year was also with the majorly freezing cold air as well, so the focus was not as strong but the coffee was still having its effect as well, which means I was back to my 2014 state of one cup of coffee could last me 24 hours.  That I do appreciate. But the progress was still slow and eventually it was getting near the dawn and well it was only 1 minute and 20 seconds edited, which by this time I was getting a buzz which was being distracting for me but It was soon to be the alarms going off and well, that means it was nearing 7am already. I did have a few 

But by this point, I decided to get Finley up and fed since well its time for him to eat, with the clothes peg on my nose, it was one chore. After this, i did check some things and was feeling like I could not concentrate at all, I wasn't on the migraine side either. Which then it was heading to a break. 

Then it was more to concentrate on the video after greeting parents about the 10:00am mark, but more on an off work was to be done until it was eventually a 3 Bird roast for lunch. Which is a good way to start the new Year. 

The First Roast of the year. 

After that it was more crunch time and eventually 4 hours crept by and the music video was up.  Which I was really showing the exhaustion and that moment that you realise things don't sound the same as they did the 1st time it played. 

Now this was also the time to finally relax with family, since It was overdue and well there was enough work and the release of pressure that had me doing crunch time on even a blogpost that isn't working and the Microsoft spell checker even glitched it out as well did not help. But in the end it was a nice bit of 2 films on Netflix to watch then finally time to hit the sack at 11 since my body was kaput by this point. Maybe it was just me to deal with a lot and at least I had 3 days to get preparations and well even get this post up to finally start the new year which wont be on a better start but at least get things planned and sorted. 

But then it was the first day of 2021, well after the actual first day. 

The second day 

Well it was time for the catch-up, this one was more of those organising days and it was also time to have a nice walk on a new fresh bit of scenery as well. It was first to walk Rosie before the start of the organising of files and backing up the laptop after 2020 was finished. Since it makes the chance to be safer than sorry and clean up after a year done. 

The view of the town and the snow on the moors 

After that is was finally time to have some lunch which was actually some nice and spicy warm soup which is carrot and coriander, which does work with crackers as well as some warmed up roast potatoes. Which after that was then the chance to be able to relax with the parents with netflix and films while backing up the files and pictures and also chatting to friends too. 

The soup, crackers and roast potatoes for lunch 

The pets resting next to each other 

But then it was finally time to eventually have a bit of  dinner to relax with as well, making it a first fry up of 2020.  But it was one of those time to just relax and let  the time flow slowly, since this was only the second day of the year. 

The fry up for the second day

Then it was leading to the 3rd day. which actually was a bit more of the time of what was planned on the first day of 2021, the chance to visit my grandparents in their bubble and then have a meal with them to make them feel hope or involved. But we start on waking up about the 10am mark which is not bad but a nice sort of close to final lay in before working again.

 
But after that and bits of typing up and preparing on a dog walk, it was finally time to visit them and we had a nice mix of roast and beef casserole, then a tolberone cheesecake, both were nice and rich and it was nice to catch up and talk with everyone too. 

Shortly after that and relaxing while I taught my grandad how to use his new google Chromecast, we all shortly went on a trip to the river, which is a classic view point and weir quay has been a fair bit of memories of views years ago, my dad and grandad walked with us both while we took time to reflect on things. Plus I've been a while since chatting on snapchat last. 

The sign of the wildlife

The road and the estuary 

The sky was getting darker

another non shave selfie 

the boggy marsh

the darker sun

A look to the north

As then we drove through bere fereres on the way back to drop off the grandparents, it was nice to let them explore and see the outdoors since its been over 1 year since my nan left the house. But then t was nearing 4pm and me, mum and dad headed off home. Which then we got back and time to relax and more Netflix while I was typing this up, it was also giving me chance to think on some of the goals i want to achieve this year even though some I can start since I now have PS Plus back for 1 year to enjoy games on PS4 like Fall guys and worms battle royale. 

The Final day of freedom, 

Well it was going to happen but on the 4th day, which was meant to be a day of typing this up, plus the night before was a tough one with sleeping since sure there was some omegle chats. Which I was typing this up, watching some Sonic X and also there was a bit of walking Rosie and to think of the goals I wanted to achieve. But then it was a massive microwave meal, mixing a that curry with chicken tikka masala. Later when parents arrived it was the chance to have a pasty which was okay but a bit on the spicy side 

The chicken tikka masala with extra 

But as the socials were panicking and the rumours of lockdown to become true, it was also time to consider what to do, and chose how it works out, but well, it was going to be the case but it was soon time for another dog walking. 

That was in the rain and cold wind, but then it was a trip to lidl, knowing there was an announcement regarding the lockdown, but we got some bits and pieces including microwaveable bits for a Chinese fakeaway, and also the gateway for that LED strip. 

But soon it was time to get home, then my conscience was going to be overloaded, so well I decided to get a clear-out done of the shop, well the rubbish anyway. Plus some bits needed to come back for jobs and well its also the time to get organised for the financials as well. 

Which was to be a goal of mine indeed. It felt not as emosh but at the same time, it was expected to happen, Part of me I should have left it to do click and collect but after the stress last time, I get to avoid it this time at the risk of reputation, luckily unlike last time, the BBLS make it more of a comfortable position to take a bit of breather. 

A Selfie on that moment 

Closed 

After this it was finally time to have that fakeaway which was really tasty . Especially with bbq ribs and homemade crispy kale. My Mum absolutely loved it. 

The lush fakeaway, 

 But then it was more things to do, finding my lost wallet and also trying to find out where glass went which it was inside its own case. and also setup some smart home bits i bought for £39.99 which was for to control a simple led strip. By by 8pm we watched it and well, it was the case of the truth to be happening. 

And then it was to see how things go again 

The New year resolutions: 

Well, there is no doubt about it, some  of these will be tricky to have completed and also makes it slightly different on what to set due to the reality of the new challenges faced to many of us this year, but before we do, lets have a look to se if we managed to complete them. 

The 2020 resolutions

• Finish KHIII - No chance of this happening - FAILED 
• Finish most of CTR - Well the GPs and content ended in march but  - FAILED 
• Stream more - I hardly did any  - NO
• Have my 3rd kiss with someone special - Lockdown so kissing is illegal since march 2020 - NO
• Have a donuts date with at least 24 donuts involved - This has been on an off illegal since march 2020 - NO 
• Have at least 3 holidays or weekends away - Work and the pandemic so this never happened  - NO 
• Make more videos non food - This was  - SUCESS 
• Get back to YT partner - I managed it finally it, even in the last 3 weeks of the year - SUCESS 

Which as you can tell, most of the pandemic blocked a lot of the chances for goals to even happen, which that does make it tricky to make a choice of what to do this year,  but it makes it a hard choice to find out what to do with 2021.  Which for me does make this harder to do this post. 

The 2021 Resolutions: 

• Stream more - Now I have a decent feeling I can get time to this, especially with  PS Plus too. 
• Catch up with the  accounts in work - This I should have time to do with the lockdown in place.
• Be able to hug someone non work or family related - This might not happen for a long while.
• Complete at least 2 games in a story mode  - This can be a range of games that are out this year 
• Do more Day out vlogs  - This will be hard with the restrictions and lockdown but some will be fine due to the cycling is on my own and in fresh air. 
• Schedule/plan out days more -  This helps to get things a bit organised, like just task some days that i need to do X Y and Z 

And there we are, that might be the choices of this year will have their consequences and also make sure that they can make it easier for me to cope with the impulsive events of the pandemic. But for now we get to reflect on the past year once more with some quick facts of 2020. 

A quirky few facts of 2020: 

• Total Spent on just eat - £36.18 (Excluding gift cards from work) 
• Total Spent on Uber eats £0.00 (Excluding gift cards from work) 
• Total Distance Ran   - 415.3 miles
• Total Distance Cycled   - 841.8 Miles
• Current weight as of 31/12/220 - 193.9 lbs 
• New Followers on Twitter  = 42
• Tweets  = 2,549
• Blocked form others on Twitter = At least 5
• HouseParties Attended (Not real life, but the app) = 3 
• Zoom meetings attended not teaching how to use related  = 0 
• YouTube Views in 2020 = 104,138
• Subscribers from Youtube in 2020 = +140
• Trousers I've ripped  = 6 

Total Exercises

Total Distance Ran 

Total Distance Cycled 

Total Distance Walked

And there we are, well its time to have little posts again and it will be at least 2 months before a less chance of normality could occur. But its back to the 2 weeks per blogpost, which will be some fun times and also maybe some complications but this time I am better prepared. 

See you soon and stay safe 

omracer

A first few days of 2020

Well, its a shock this is evening happening but as we already start the year with a dramatic start in the world and in a personal way, nothing changes. Lets take a look at what might be happening soon and the goals for this year. There is a vlog that follows this were we get some condoms in tesco and losing the cat and cleaning the bike.

The catchup of a new year

Well we begin with the chance that I've been editing ALOT of footage late for the video. and i mean it took me 13 hours at least even after starting it at 2am since choosing music and the like. I mean now I had the Mi Camera . I could easily film what I was like when editing overnight. 

Editing in the room 

It gets to near dawn 

Light outs 

quick fap break

back to editing at 8:13

But then it was getting that sorted until 2pm or so, It was a long day but after that and the first meal of the year being a casserole, it was pretty much life back to normal.

The first meal of 2020. Beef casserole, Dijon mustard, roast potatoes, dumplings and gravy pic.twitter.com/WsQUU6PRNm

— Mattie LT Marker (@omracer) January 1, 2020

But *redacted* was doing okay and also hopefully there was a chill in the air as there hopes and dreams was going to happen. But work after was long days and home visits one after another. Eventually though its the Sunday. With my mind saying to do classic vlogs in the old way, it was interesting how it will appear for me. But with the Cat going and fighting and also bike cleaned to make sure of the Cycle journey I've yet got to offer for the Monday and Thursday. Timing was important. And files to be organised as well.

The Resolutions: 

The final check of the 2019. 

Did we managed to complete them. Lets find out.

• Finish N Sane Trilogy  - No luck, I'm gonna stream 3 and skip the relic of 2 so FAILED 
• Finish CTR Nitro Fuelled - With the amount of new tracks and modes arriving in each month, its hard to catch up so FAILED
• Finish KH3 - Well 3 worlds done but it will be a interesting time for new time to play it But FAILED
• Take at least 3 weekends away on holiday  - We managed 2 Holidays this year so PART SUCCESS
• Have a kiss and cuddle with a girl  - This felt withing arms reach but feelings were made and born so FAILED 
• Have a fast food or Buffet date with a girl - Since BANG BANG we can class as a buffet, we did a SUCCESS
• Lose my virginity - Well we partly managed to wear a condom almost a year ago but FAILED 
• Blog More - Well actually we made it to average year amount of posts but SUCCESS
• Get back to YT Partner - WE ARE SO CLOSE since 1.01k Subs now but those online 
• Feed Online Less - This went downhill SO FAST. I ended up being a sugar daddy for a month at least and ended up feeding way too much but it also brought me closer to 2 friends, one that actually met me for a good amount of time last year. but this is a FAILED. 

So with that and well this month time to recoup some of the digs from Feeding online less being a failure, we now have to set ourselves new goals. Which actually this could be the chance to make real and come true with effort, Gfuel and positive time to make for myself when needed. 

The 2020 resolutions

• Finish KHIII - Well with Remind out end of the month, new chance to try it
• Finish most of CTR - This will be hard but easier once all the GPs End
• Stream more - I think I have laptops that can help me sort this. 
• Have my 3rd kiss with someone special - This is edging close due to feelings built and a local growing chance made 
• Have a donuts date with at least 24 donuts involved - Funny fact, it was close to happening with Enfield and also it will cost me £40 for 48 donuts (or 30 for original glazed) 
• Have at least 3 holidays or weekends away
• Make more videos non food - Some tutorials and reviews being planned and filmed. 
• Get back to YT partner - This is what making more non food videos will do  this nicely. 

But for now we will see how this moth goes. Plans for Reviews and a tutorial as well.

omracer

An entrance to 2015

As we finally head into the 1st day of 2015. Its time to review how my goals I've set myself have been. Now this was going to be in the year review but if editing that thing took an all nighter and crashes chrome on an i7 laptop with 6GB and a sshd then i'm stuffed to add any more. If you want to see that, your more than welcome to 

I've still watched this video at least 25 times



Enjoy a video that sums up some of the resolutions and also a fun time cleaning the house by a hoover as well as a tour of my house.

The final moments of 2014. 

Now as much as the video being edited and the blogpost being typed up was the main event of the night, well that and a indian takeout. I did ring in the new year with family and texting some friends and my sister. Sure it was not too bad and the fireworks were in quicker but it was fun anyway. 

A #final #Indian #takeaway for a #final #tea of 2014 #tonight

A photo posted by Mattie LT Marker (@omracerfaps) on Dec 12, 2014 at 12:22pm PST

The cat always stares cutely

The last 30 seconds of the year

Finally 2015

#Happy #new #year from #omracer and #glass. Its going to #hopefully be a #better one

A video posted by Mattie LT Marker (@omracerfaps) on Dec 12, 2014 at 8:23pm PST

The surprise actions. 

Now although 2014 was a saddening one, i did do things i've never thought would ever happen to me such as. 

• Stay up all night - No seriously, i learned that coffee is powerful and can keep me going for 45 hours straight. It depends on the doseage and focus in my mind and you could say heart but thats more film quotes. 
• Sleep at a friends house or a place without my family with me. Yes this happened and Charley's flat (whos not with her anymore) was that place, i still smile as i was cleaning her table at 7am when i was bored and also finished typing up the night i just had. 
• Purchase a Paysite subscription - yup that has been done and Kaylee is a sweetheart and i will purchase from her soon, same with the vavavoom c4s clip.  
• Purchase something rare and exciting - Google Glass is this item. No joke but i'm not one of those people that get addicted with it, but wearing it might need to be more common. 
• Walk a cat  - its possible and mine will walk if she wants to, more Aries wants to go outside but she is an escapist. 
• Spent £40 on Chinese food  - Funnily enough thats NDA but no naming is the safe way around this.
• Deliver a PC via a bus - A nice adventure

The resolutions from last year. 

So we come to these, the plans that i hoped to set myself for various reasons. Hoping to either become better, fulfilled, content or even just for the you only live once moment. Well lets see how i progressed in the game of life and hope. 

• Get my first kiss - I ACTUALLY DID IT and even though the proof i did it cause arguments and threats, thanks to the house and Frenchy, i can say I'm no longer a kissless virgin, just a virgin
• Get into my first relationship - Sadly i didn't and haven't gotten far with this one, the grasp for that with some has long gone. Well unless a miracle happens that i can easily act upon with the right guidance, it won't be any chance with Emma. There is a rare chance of luck with Sophie
• Have a mates or friends day out - This is still a no go, but since most of the friends except the house are now hitched up and more smitten than a mainecoon on her soft red bed, its not going to happen
• Enjoy a meal with friends at a Chinese Restaurant - I'm going to be clear and say its the same above, i was waiting on an offer that Stacey had received from me, i just tweeted it but shes not gone for it. It might be an option with peri. Why i say these two, well they love buffet food and well a rare idea. The house will be up for it but Swaggy can do a decent time to get plans like this done, he doesn't bottle.
• Finish games - Now this is very general but there are a few titles in mind such as:
• PACMAN CE DX for Steam - All done and 117 in global ranking (bottom corner) 
• KH 1.5 HD Remix for PS3 -DONE IT :D. It was nice being up until 3am in August watching the 358/2 days scenes on the sofa with some popcorn.
• KH 2.5 HD Remix - I'll be playing this on the weekend if i get lucky
• Hotline Miami - Painful but after some trigger finger annoyances at 11pm at night, done it, well except the letters to find. Maybe hotline miami 2 is a another way for fun
• Oddworld - Finished Munch's Oddysee with 90% quarma or so but no luck with New N tasty and a ps4 for that alone is not ideal
• RR for Vita - I can't do this until NAMCO DECIDE TO MAKE AN UPDATE FOR THE GAME TO WORK WITH VITA TV - This still applies

So i've only completed 5 out of those 10 (Technically the Games are sub resolutions so its only 1.8 out of 5), but that 1 is an important one that has held me back, sure it was going to be an easier way with a right place to go and the right amount but people really didn't think i was right to do that, i remember chatting to eloise about that when she was working in the market, she said it would of felt better if i paid. But now i know what a kiss feels like (sort of, it was very tounge based) so i can't be scared now.

The goals for this open year. 

Like anything, a year is unpredictable, even when people die within hours of the new year, from fires or stampedes. Nothing is safe. Of course i will keep the goals i've not finished yet and add those, but there are new ones which i had to have a couple of days to think about. And they are below: 

• Get into my first relationship - Well people are now in the 2 year couple stage and people say that if you don't look for love, it comes to you. I still be skeptical of this witchcraft. (no seriously, i stick with the idea of "if you don't make the effort" someone else will", i was just making a joke of how closed minded people used to be by using the "witchcraft phrase")
• Have a mates or friends day out - This is still a no go, but since most of the friends except the house are now hitched up, even getting a couples house and more smitten than a mainecoon on her soft red bed, its not going to happen
• Enjoy a meal with friends or a date at a Restaurant - I'm going to be clear and say its the same above, i was waiting on an offer that Stacey had received from me, i just tweeted it but shes not gone for it. It might be an option with peri. Why i say these two, well they love buffet food and well a rare idea. The house will be up for it but Swaggy can do a decent time to get plans like this done, he doesn't bottle. 
• Watch a studio Ghibli Film - This sounds basic but i never get around to getting a copy or maybe i bite the bullet and look odd in my family. 
• Cook for a girl  or girl group -  This will be rare but no harm in aiming for it, it might lead to another resolution being complete too. 
• Write another short story - Romantic at least but it might not be erotic, i said i wasn't going to do another one unless i had my first kiss, which i have and although it was to short for me to understand or describe it in detail, i can have a knowing of what fun romance is. 
• Start some restaurant reviews -  This is a bit of a fun idea i've had but this would be perfect if i was dating, but maybe i can try this anyway via the reviews blog, since although 5000 + views is a nice start in a year, its might be a bit weak for some things.
• Finish games - Now this is very general but there are a few titles in mind such as:
• KH 2.5 HD Remix - Already Started Playing this on critical. 
• Oddworld New N Tasty - I want this. 
• The Escapists - I've played some but if i can escape from 2 prisons i'll be happy.

Now there is the chance that this year might end up still saying some of these things this time next year, But i'm hoping that i can solve them. Other things in life will change and i might even be crashing events i don't know how to and some things might turn nasty but when you are by yourself a lot, being strong is the way to go.

Cheers for now and more blogposts coming soon

omracer

A sighed progress report

With the 4th month of 2014 now in swing, its just a shock of how fast time has moved, which can suprise us as well as make goals and ambitions in years feel like a deadline closing in. I'll be honest here, these past few weeks have been depressing, maybe...i'm still feeling broken, lost and maybe like being a zombie, just working, eating, browsing, fapping, sleeping and the common things in life.

I've learnt not much these past few weeks, its actually just been the realisation of the past repeating itself,  the hope of an impossible point in time and people saying for you to wait for that impossible place in time, Ruby, Sasha and even Stacia have tweeted the same implied hint.

But this makes it harder to cope, since you have 2 different ends of the scale of life, one is where everything is handed over to you, when you don't have to work for it, live easy, get what you want, never have to go out and earn for something. Then there is the other end, where you have to try your hardest and you get nowhere, from a low pay job to missing transport links to get to where you need to be because of someone else. Its a balance which makes life varied and can change your fate.

Now i'm not at either end of the scales in this respect. Sure, i live with parents and pay a good rent of £20 a week which includes food and utilities, sure i have a job which makes me happy and i enjoy, even if people think its a bit lower than what i should get. But when it comes to some of the important things in life, like love, life experiences, i'm somewhere where people almost 8 years younger are doing better in, which makes me feel life has passed me by and i can't catch up to save my life. Sure, i'm actually catching up with some things in life but its things that people are doing almost every other week or some are doing daily.

But now on to actually  reflect on how close (or actually further away) i am from completing my New Years Resolutions i set in January .

I'll bullet point them and summarize how my progress has been for each Goal.

• Get my first kiss - Sadly this has been a no go, i mean it, which this alone has lowered almost everything in me, sure people might say its overra......actually people say that about sex, i've not been told how overrated a kiss is, which means its amazing and it shouldn't take as long as it has to be missing out on this, i'm determined to change this, since i could be thinking this same problem to myself when i'm 40, which by then i'm pretty much fucked.
• Get into my first relationship - This has gone back to where i was in 2009, which actually when this blog orignally started, back when i fell in love with a beautiful girl with lush ginger hair, a nice accent and Abbey was amazing, which by this time, my heart was shattering because i was possibly never going to see her again and i was going to lose her to Matt. But years later (i only found out on Goose Fair 2013, i found out they both had split, which was a smiley regret. Since if i waited for 2 more years, i could of actually made the break and gone for it. Instead i moved on to a goddess who was more my type then i thought, but now, even though there is a glimmer of hope that i could make this work, i have to accept that i've lost another amazing girl i could of had my first real relationship with. This goal has a long way to go before i reach it. I still wish i could be hers and be better for her than anyone else. 
• Have a mates or friends day out - Now this is a possible this year, well one of the best nights out of my life was with friends. Maybe this needs a longer time to plan, but i'm hoping i could make this happen in 2014. Heck, i was even invited to prauge for a holiday but i don't have the time to make that happen, without regret at least. 
• Enjoy a meal with friends at a chinese Restaurant - Now even though my favourite Chinese restaurant is battered and closed for the most part due to the storms this year, this is a loose goal, its not going to make me a failure as much as i am already. So, its a hit and miss, it would be nice to try that Chinese restaurant by the Barbican with Charley or Bronti or even Sophie, but this is fantasy, not a realistic goal right now. 
• Finishing Games - Now this has had some progress, yipee...
• PACMAN CE DX - i've finished and when i checked after, i was 35/22000+
• KH 1.5 HD Remix for PS3 - I'll be honest and say, i've not played this at all this year, stil to continue. 
• Hotline Miami - Well i've played a little bit:
• Oddworld - Now i've not played much of this, but i'm excited for New N Tasty, maybe a lets play eventually. 
• RR for Vita - Sadly Sony have not done anything to get me close to start playing this, which i'm annoyed but i can't do anything about. 

So, this is it, its now 1/3 of the year done or moreso 3/12. Which is quite scary, but things haven't been all a fail, somethings have been better for me, maybe these are very minor achievements or even daily occurrences but for some reason, it feels like a big deal to me, i'll bullet point them:

• I had my first Goodbodies meal, this may not sound like much but it does when this place might be used for late night romantic meals with drunk girls or just hanging out with drunk friends, like Pete, Charley, Jordan & Muneetha.
• I've done my first sleepover away from my family/relatives, i'm not joking, i've never spent the night away from them in my whole life, even though i was a bit nervy and a bit of a guilty feeling, i made it and it was nice, especially when it was in Charley's flat. 
• I've worked my first whole week - this is not really a good thing, but it was nice to manage work for 6 days straight, even though my work colleague was saying i should of taken a couple of hours off, me and him covered most of the shop nicely. 
• I bought my first ever membership to a paysite - Again, this might be laughable but its something i've been pondering on and i took the plunge and bought access to KAYLEES KANDI.COM. Its worth the £13.20 something, 
• I've gotten 15,000 Views and counting more on the blog - this probably means nothing but thats quite alot...maybe...actually its a bit of a catching up thing.
• I've started to cook much better for the first time, this has been nice to cook burgers, fish fingers, steak and even made chocolate chips by the use of frying.
 

And i think that is pretty much it, i've got much more to work on before completing a part of life that many people i know, from family to friends to even customers i serve in work all day have that i haven't, which i'm going to have to try hard, pull out all the stops, invest money without hesitation, surprise and use the info i know to fill a empty gap inside me and maybe even finally reglue the shattered pieces of my heart together which can then be replaced with more stronger pieces from memories of dates, kisses, cuddles, feedings, hugs, maybe sex, vlogs together and more. 

But for now, its almost 2am and i have work yet again tomorrow. 

See you in the next blogpost

omracer